Of trust in a love relationship...

Ever had trouble trusting your lover again? Well it’s a part of everyone's life. A well tread road for most, a bumpy track for some. Of most things that we cherish in our love relation today, trust primarily seems to hold the most credence. It has been so for years. Time and again we face and walk the same path that we tread a couple of times before.

I sometimes wonder how we can have this amazing capacity to endure the times, when mistrust creeps in and the bond in our love relation becomes shaky. The anger and the rage that builds within us, leaves us thoroughly confused with the phase that our relationship sometimes tends to take us through. And this often leads the relation to its downfall.

We often wonder how we could have fixed this. How I could have made a difference in my relationship? And surprisingly enough there are answers.

We must make sure that we try and not arouse any suspicion in our partners’ mind. Giving her the opportunity to think and say, “Why is he doing that?”, “he’s never done that before”, “That’s very unlike him”, only makes her think that you are unpredictable. The more unpredictable you start becoming in your relationship, the lesser your partner trusts you. One must try and act predictable in a relation to be able to increase the level of trust. Of course, it goes without saying, that one can never be the same person throughout one’s life. Yet I wonder what stops us from saying things to her like; “I might just do silly things and don’t get alarmed or scared, just accept some of my unpredictability and be there for me please.”

Make sure you mean what you say and always say what you mean. We tend to get into ridiculous fights and arguments just because we say something and our tone and body language mean something else. She loses tremendous amounts of energy trying to decipher what you originally said and also makes her believe that she mustn’t trust part of what you always say. This can build cracks in your communication levels that takes a long time to heal.

We must always have faith in our partner’s competence in dealing with situations. We often tend to believe that we must withhold the truth as it would instigate a conversation destructive to the relation; create a drama scene. However this is completely untrue. Truth can be told in loving ways. We must make sure that we do not wait a long time to tell the truth to our partner, lest have him figure it out for himself, as this can create a great barrier between the two. He might feel that you don’t trust him or you don't find him competent enough to handle the truth. Always believe that your partner has the internal strength and capacity to handle any kind of crisis, any kind of situation, which he alone or you together, may come across. And if you ever find him unable, be there to hold his hand always, no matter how difficult the situation gets. Such confidence builds trust which begins to pervade through your relationship.

Secrets in a relationship can often lead to disastrous situations. They take up extremely large amounts of space in a relation. If he feels that you are keeping something from him, he finds it very stressful to walk around with it, uses up a lot of his energy. We seldom tend to realize this, but he may tend to be curious, have mixed emotions and no words to envelope it with. He may wonder if something’s wrong and not be able to ask you, in the fear that he may hurt you, give you the wrong message and he struggles to fill that space. And when he finds it difficult to understand his own emotions he finds it difficult to understand the messages that come from you. However, if , in your growing stages of intimacy, you still find it difficult to disclose more about yourself, more about your inner feelings and your struggles to your partner, realize that as a problem and waste no time in accepting the problem and discussing it with your partner. Remember that he is competent and will be able to deal with these situations with your co operation.

We often think, “what if I ask him about my needs, will he think I am selfish?” One must realize that in a relationship we are together and we make sacrifices but we mustn’t stop thinking about ourselves. We do not have to be selfish or self-centered but we can always discuss our needs and requirements with our partner. And we can be certain that he will respond positively because you knew where he stood and therefore you know where you stand together today.

Of all the issues that we can have in a relationship there are these that can be the ones in our list of priority to build a better bond and a healthy trust level.

We will always have problems in our relationships and we can often feel that there are no solutions but remember there are ways to fix all the problems that we may face.